You were not born in the wrong generation. You were born to be a light to this one. The discomfort you are feeling is what you need to push you your purpose, and help lead others to theirs. You were not born to be a part, but to be apart: apart from the self-defeating cycles, apart from the generational curses, apart from feelings of apathy, apart from the self-limiting beliefs. You were born to stand out, and unfortunately standing out will make you a target. But do not waste the attention. All eyes are on you.
Life has handed you L’s up until this point. They called you a loser. They called you lame. They called you lazy. They called you a liar. They called you everything other than what you knew in your heart and mind you were. You started to believe them. You began to accept their opinions as truth. They are the liars. They don’t know you. Even if they do, they don’t because you don’t even know the person that you are becoming. So, today that changes.
Today is your introduction to your future. Today you take the L’s they gave you, and you will provide the WORLD even BIGGER L’s – LIVING, LOVING, LEARNING AND LEADING.
Today, you will use that dead wood they gave you to light your path to your purpose. Today, you will confront, manipulate and control the pain for your benefit. I don’t know about you, but nothing helps me focus on me and what’s going on with me like a little pain. Nothing makes you want to change a situation quicker than being hurt by that situation. Like when you stub your toe on this…
I turn 31 on October 19th, and I am much more excited for 31 than 30. There was so much anxiety surrounding the exit of my 20s for the land of “old.” Well, that’s what I thought 30 was up until the day it arrived. Then I realized, this isn’t that bad. Actually, this is really nice! I brought in my 30th surrounded by love and friendship. It was a great start to a new decade of experiences. Oh, I just received a promotion, as well. Then it started.
What is it? I didn’t even know what it was at first; I just know that it was uncomfortable and unfamiliar. My body just wasn’t acting right. My hands and feet were burning. I was confused and anxious. My muscles were twitching. My strength was diminished. My neck and limbs moved erratically at times. Everything hurt, from my head to my feet. There was a hint of depression. I had acid reflux. What’s wasn’t wrong? Here’s the list I took to the doctor…
The doctor said it could be MS. A brain MRI and neurology exam later, it wasn’t MS. Another doctor said it could be stress, no. Another doctor said let’s do blood work, 4 or 5 times over; your blood is excellent and all the organs it flows through. How about you do some physical therapy, another doctor said. While another doctor said Peripheral Neuropathy.
What is that? Everything that’s happening to you, he said. It’s one of those catchall things. Anti-seizure medicine can help; do you want to try that? No. The other doctor gave me Valium, and that didn’t go so well. I’ll pass on the drugs. At this point, I’m like okay; I can live with not dying tomorrow. What’s a little twitching? I gave it to God, but you know God wasn’t going to let me go out like that. He revealed through a series of random events that I have a gluten sensitivity.
By series of random events I mean I felt like I was losing my mind on an airplane from Miami to Texas. Clear as day, I heard a voice say it’s the bread. Maybe it was God. Perhaps it was me. Maybe it was the flight attendant offering me the Biscoff cookies. But I knew I had my answer. I promise you, I cut out bread for a week, and everything went back to almost normal.
Honestly, if anybody deserved a gluten sensitivity, it was me. I used to joke about it all the time, but that’s another blog for another day. Through all that discomfort, darkness and crying in my mother’s arms (this really happened) I realized that even through the adversity I had the power, ability and will to move forward when I made the decision to move forward.
It was all a decision. I know I made myself more unwell than I probably was because in my head I thought myself more unwell than I actually was. I am not minimizing what happened to me because there were times where I couldn’t walk. There were times when I was in the emergency room because I couldn’t feel my arms, legs and half of my face. That was really real. (Shoutout to Justin and Caleb for being there.) But I moved forward because I told myself I would move forward, after my mom told God about me, a lot.
I’m writing this on the eve of 31. My dad just called me from halfway around the world to grab two lottery tickets for the Mega Millions, so I’m about to wrap this up. I’ve decided to be intentional… again. Over the past couple of months, I’ve moved forward with my purpose of helping others, Shell Brummell, LLC (shellbrummell.com).
The goal is to handout Big L’s: Lessons in Living, Loving, Learning and Leading. I will show, I will speak, I will write. I will serve disenfranchised communities, and I will do it for free. To help fund this vision (shellbrummell.com/shop), I would like for you to buy a high-quality extra comfortable t-shirt, crewneck or hoodie! The designs are based on the Love Notes that I post regularly on Instagram.
Yes, I make my own quotes. Yes, I plan on writing a book. Yes, this endeavor is a little nerve-wracking. But my nerves were wracked for 4 months. I think I can handle this.
Today, I present Shell Brummell, LLC to you for the first time and a blog post at the age of 30 for the last. 31, here I am. No birthday cake this time. That wouldn’t be good, gluten. Buy a shirt! Handing Out Big L’s!
Vlog & YouTube Channel coming soon!